Everything seems to be flowing just the same, except this time I don't know where I am in the water. I feel as though a current is constantly pulling me under. I can't breathe, I can't reach the surface, and I'm almost completely out of breath. I just want someone to save me. I want something to hold on to. I want someone to pull me out, make me feel alive again.

i dont know.

4th of July is my favorite holiday, and we broke up that day. at least i'm handling this well. I never though i would be able to. but right now. sitting on my bed, i'm scared to death. i feel like he lied about wanting to be friends and he really just wants to ignore me and never talk to me again. i have so many questions but i don't want answers. i hate what he did and i wish he could have done it a different way. i wish he told me in the beginning instead of ignoring me for a week straight and making that hole week a complete hell hole for me. put yourself in my position and see what it feels like. i havent felt like crying for a while but right now, it's going to come out, and i wont be able to stop it. 

as far as everything else, i dont know who to trust anymore. i thought i could trust him, but yet again shit hit the fan. who knows if people are just lying to me to make me feel better. who knows if people are just going to fuck me over in the end. i don't want to be close to anyone anymore, because nothing lasts forever. no matter how much you want it to, it won't last. things will always get fucked up, people will always lie, no one will ever keep their promises. yadda yadda yadda. 

time to go out for a cigarette and listen to my stomach growl.