Painful.

Everything is hurting right now. My head hurts. My body hurts. My stomach hurts. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I don't have work for the next two days. I'm going to be working for my dad instead, so that means getting up at 7 instead of 8. It will keep my mind off everything so hopefully it won't be that terrible. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to hang out with anyone. I don't want to be in my room. I don't want to be anywhere. Not a second goes by where I don't think about it. I just want things to be right. I am just going to be patient and hope for the best because that's all I can do. I don't want to think. I need a huge distraction.


Oh yeah, I'm working on the 4th.

it's been a while.

I used to be on here all the damn time, writing things down and getting shit done. Now I'm on tumblr all the fucking time. I should probably write in here more. I guess. I'm trying to get out of the house. I'm so stressed out..I don't even know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm losing a lot of hope for things to get better. I don't even like to talk about it with anyone anymore. I don't even want to go through the motions of trying to explain it to people. I hate having to answer them when they ask, "why?" It's just annoying now. I want to know why you ignore me. What is the reasoning as to why you don't talk to me as much. Why are there problems. Why are you so fucked up? Why don't you move out and get a fucking life. Why do I live here? I don't want to live here anymore. I don't want to work at a motel for the rest of my fucking life. I don't want to go through the motions anymore. I don't want to pretend that I'm okay when I'm not. I don't want to go through this at all. I just want it to be okay. Enough of me blabbing.


Today. What have I done? I went to work. I went to the library, got three more books. I picked up my mom from school. I went to Dunkin Donuts with my brother. Other than that..It looks like I'm doing a whole lot of nothing tonight. Fan-fucking-tastic.