today, i need to stay awake. if blake is going to come and get me after work I need to be awake until then. It will probably be at like 1, and you'd think a 22 year old could stay up that late (or early) but not for me. If I don't take them pills before a certain time, I start to lose my mind much worse than I've already lost it. Perhaps I'm addicted to them, but as far as I know, they make me feel better than I usually feel so I'll stick with them. On the other hand, if I do take them, I will fall asleep. Then if he came and picked me up I wouldn't even know because I wouldnt hear his call or text because there's no service down here. 


Other than that. The Jazz and Funk Festival is tonight at school, and I wouldn't go normally but I have to for a class. It sucks because I don't even have to be here on Friday. "But you can go and have a good time and hang out with people," anyone else would say. Yeah, but you see, I don't care about these people. I don't know these people. I don't want to know these people. I'm not a negative person, but am I going to be "friends at school" and then leave and never see them again? Yeah. It sounds a lot like home. I like to not think about that though, because whenever I do, it just pisses me off. Try to explain that to someone who feels like they did nothing wrong, it's impossible. 

I kinda want to put the two beds together and call it a day, but then what will I do with my desk? Hm. Maybe I'll do that today. Maybe I won't. Fuck if I know. I'm contemplating drinking the Red Bull in my fridge that I've had for quite a long time now. I'm also tired as fuck and have to go to Venable at 5 and then again at 7-10. Lame. I also don't want to do anything. I also want to disappear.